I sometimes awake afraid and drenched in my own perspiration. I am afraid that everything I thought I once unequivocally knew now seems to be so very unclear. The once well thought out plans which I believed to be etched in stone now lie broken and in jagged pieces which are scattered everywhere I look. I believe that there may be only one certainty that I can still believe in; the speed of light.
The Earth, Milky Way Galaxy and the universe itself are so complex that even now we have relatively little understanding of their complexities. It seems as though when a new theory is proposed which might help explain everything another theory is offered which disputes the original hypotheses. There is, however, one irrefutable constant, at least to this day, that most agree upon; the speed of light boundary. Albert Einstein made the assertion that nothing in the universe can exceed the speed of light, 186,000 miles per second.
I have cultivated a plan. I will leave this bit of rock, water and sky that is the third planet from our Sun. Traveling at a speed more than twice the speed of light I will go on a journey, an excursion like no other ever attempted, that will last six years. I will travel past Venus, and after eighty four light minutes I will bid ado to Saturn. My voyage will then take me out of our small and most insignificant grouping of celestial formations, our solar system.
I developed a means by which I can achieve this speed and this method must be kept secret. I will say only that the technique used, which I refer to as a “Luminal Boom,” is similar to that of a sonic boom when the speed of sound is surpassed.
My destination is a cluster of five planets that orbit a star called Tau Ceti, a star twice as old as our Sun. This grouping of cosmic bodies lies approximately twelve light years from my journey’s point of origination. The massive fourth planet from this star, Planet E, is massive; approximately four times the size of our Earth. I realize that I am nothing more than a frail organism of creation however this far off child of its star has the ability to support my human needs.
My purpose in making this arduous trek is not merely to escape my life here on earth, although there have been many times that an escape was considered. My intent was to once again be with my old friend as she once was; as she was before the terrible illness came onto her. For those who declare that I am a coward and should learn to live with my life’s losses I say, you may be correct in you assessment.
Why have I decided to leave my home and embark on this voyage you may ask? Well, there are many reasons. For several years now I believed the life I had and wanted to keep had been stolen from me. I felt as though I no longer fit into the space I occupied or really belonged anywhere at all; I have been so very lost.
I want to once again be with my best friend. I want to somehow believe that I can see her face, hear her voice and I imagine that I can feel her touch as she puts her hand in mine. Simple pictures merely capture her image, however my thoughts of viewing her as she interacted with me and others while she was alive, and before anyone else saw those images, motivates me to make the decision to leave behind everything I know.
I will travel for six years at a speed twice the speed of light and when I reach my destination the light and images which were born on this Earth some twelve years prior, 2011, will only then be coming into view.
I will spend days, and weeks and years watching my friend as she was before the terrible invasion of her body by that cancer. Although she will not hear me I will talk to her knowing that she is alive and well. I will outlive my friend and when I have ceased to exist, and when my life is over no tears will touch her face as she will never know I’m gone.
We once vowed to remain together for all eternity but there came a day when I realized that eternity was much shorter than I imagined. I see you and I’ve made a decision. I will travel faster than the speed of light therefore the 14th day of July in the year 2013 will never have taken place. The dawning of that saddest of mornings will never birth an image that my eyes might see.
I believe the life that I now have and the life that I see in my future are of little or no consequence. But, if I can make the life I lived years ago my future, well, that existence does have interest to me. I came to a conclusion. The only way for me to survive was to make the past my future.
Hope must live in the hearts of everyone, if not; the heart will surely cease to live. I feel as though the life that seemed to lie before me is one which will find me imprisoned in the throes of an agonizing madness and is not something which I care to partake of, so I take my future in-hand. I have decided to end my fragile solitude and bring the past alive and there live for the remainder of my years.
There are moments when everyone needs to find an escape from reality; there are those times in our lives when the burdensome weight of realism becomes too heavy to endure. I choose not to accept reality. My mind is made up, I will travel to a place where I know the harsh moments in my life will have not yet occurred and I believe that I can remain detached from those events which I cannot come to terms with.
Whether it may be brush strokes of paint on canvass or a vision living in the deepest place in my memory, the image of you will be with me for a day longer than forever.